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Pseudoscience

“Homeopathy Will Save You!”

Homeopathy is a medicine that won't affect you in any way, since there's nothing in it.

I bashed the Ayu out of Ayurveda, and now I’ve marched right into the strongholds of Homeopathy. Whether my crusade against quack medicine will bear fruits or not is besides the point; it’s the struggle that counts.

Also, I have too much time on my hands.

Leave My Homeopathy Alone!

No I won’t.

Like I stated in the introduction, I have way too much free time, and intend on using that time to shine some light into the sugary depths of homeopathic medicine.

Why?

Because I have way too much free time.

I’ve mentioned that earlier didn’t I? You really need to pay attention to what is being said.

You’re Being a Prick

I know some of you will get upset at me for writing such a distasteful article, because in your personal experience, homeopathy might have not only been effective, but radically helped you adjust with whatever ailment that has plagued or continues to plague you to this day.

But there is a large body of scientific evidence that suggests the contrary, so I studied and explored those studies and draw inferences from them.

Afterall, an engineer can become anything, and if homeopathy turns out to be legit, then I’ll open up my own homeopathy clinic and start my practice.

Whats that? You need a license?

That’s fine, I’ll engineer one.

Get To It Already.

Its really difficult for people to believe that their precious alternative to big pharma sponsored drugs, is a field of medicine that is absent of the medicine.

You’re probably scratching your head, wondering whether I escaped from a mental asylum and somehow made my way to a laptop and started blogging.

Just so you know, escaping from there wasn’t easy, especially since I was on heavy psychiatric medication to prevent such escapes from happening.

Heh, jokes on them.

I slipped those medication into my roommate Dave’s portion, and he mysteriously overdosed on them. The nurses started panicking and reeled him into the intensive care unit.

I took this opportunity to make a run for it and Lo and Behold, Akkolades for The Bold.

The laptop? Ah yes, I stol- ahem, tactically acquired a laptop from the nurse’s office. They were nice enough to leave it behind unattended when they went to treat Dave.

But that’s enough about me, lets get back to the topic at hand.

Why Homeopathy Works

Or at least seems that way.

The is a Latin saying that goes, “Condemnant quo non intellegunt” which roughly translates into ‘they condemn that which we do not understand’. Homeopathy began as an alternative to the 19th century medical practice of bloodletting. People back then believed that diseases can be drained out of the body by draining out excess blood, but not Christian Friedrich Hahnemann, who was smarter than the folks of his time.

Yes, I was smarter than them.

To him, the idea of restoring the body’s vitality by forcing out the illness was silly and had no basis in reality. He instead believed that the body had vital forces of its own that could restore the body to its original state. Its a rather poetic way of putting it, but what was his practical advice on invoking those vital forces?

Providing his patients with very small doses of “medicine” after shaking it vigorously to increase its potency.

What was “Medicine” in Quotes?

Because the medicine in the medicine bottle is mostly elsewhere, and if you were unlucky enough to encounter it (which is exponentially unlikely), it would only worsen your condition.

You’re confused.

In simple terms, your medicine bottle doesn’t contain the medicine because the dosage is so small that after the medicine is synthesised and diluted, it gets washed away.

Nope, still confused.

How Small?

To encounter a single molecule of the actual substance, you’d have to consume enough pills to create your own solar system; with you being the giant ball of burning flame that the planets, comets and asteroids orbit. Even the Sun would become jealous and search for another solar system to take up residence in.

“You are the universe” takes on a whole new meaning with homeopathy.

Homeopaths refer to this delusional line of thought as :

The Law of Infinitesimals

and the description above wasn’t an exaggeration.

Here, let me explain how the medicine is processed.

  • First, the medicine to be administered to determined and synthesized.
  • Then, the medicine is diluted to one part per 10 or 100 depending upon the potency scale they decide to use. After its first dilution, its called first potency or 1C.
  • But a 1C medicine is too strong, so they repeat the same procedure and dilute it further to…take a wild guess.
  • Serious practitioners state that they usually stay within the range of 3C to 12C, but even then, the dilution is so extreme that it looks like a pinch of salt has been sprinkled into the Pacific Ocean.
  • And to make things even more comical, the concentration ranges all the way up to ten-million C.
    T-E-N M-I-L-L-I-O-N C.

But Wait, There’s More!

They say the medicine’s concentration doesn’t influence the medicine’s strength, but affects its “action”.

Yeah, action.

Its the power hidden deep within the medicine, that’s the actual medicine. Okay, no more questions!

A higher concentration is generally prescribed for sleep disorders or allergies, while lower concentrations are prescribed for local symptoms.

A Homeopathic medicine made out of duck liver to treat flu is diluted two-hundred times(200C) before it reaches the patient. Even though the medicine will reach the patient the moment he purchases it from the counter, the “medicine” will never reach him no matter how many bottles he purchases for the simple fact that to encounter a single molecule of the original substance, he will have to purchase enough bottles to fill up an entire array of multiverses. Not everyone is born with that kind of money.

The medicine is pristine white to show it’s 100% pure which is a side-effect of containing no medicine.

The only thing legit about homeopathy medicine, is the homeopathy medicine bottle, because its THERE.

Say We Do Get To The Medicine

Taking a substance that causes symptoms of a disease you are trying to cure is like drinking rat infested water to cure Weil’s disease.

Of course, we all know thats dumb, which is why we continue to fund a multi-billion-dollar pseudo-medical industry that operates on this logic.

Say Hello to The Law of Similar.

Hahnemann believed that to treat a disease, we ought to neutralize it with its opposite. He got that idea from an experience he had after eating a bark used to treat malaria. On consuming the bark, he experienced symptoms usually attributed to malaria, and concluded that the medicine operates by inducing the very symptoms that lead to the disease, which in turn neutralizes each other.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around that bit of magic logic.

It may sound like a Natural law, but its as natural as the chicken you get from Kentucky Fried Chicken. Even then, at least the chicken is finger lickin good, and THERE on the plate when we order one.

Shake It Baby, Shake!

Hahnemann believed that we can increase the medicine’s potency by shaking it vigorously. Shaking it in successions allows spiritual powers hidden deep within the medicine to evolve and leak out, transforming the medicine into super-medicine. He warned practitioners about shaking it too much, for it could become too powerful and kill people.

He advised them not to carry those medicines in their pockets, for the constant shaking could make it potent enough to turn unsuspecting patients into Superman, or Super-dead. He even went as far as to say that the medicines are so potent, that ingesting them isn’t necessary. Merely taking a whiff would cure them of their ailment.

Also, water has memory! What, you didn’t know?

I know you are biased and won’t take whatever I have said so far at face value because the theory is being narrated by someone who just escaped from a mental asylum, but trust me on this,

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

I wish I was, because it neatly tucks itself into a fantasy horror novel, with the potential of turning me into an overnight millionaire. I’d have my own book signing counter stationed right next to the 50 Shades of Grey counter. I’d title my novel, “50 C’s of Sham” and give the 50 Shades a run for its money.

The Real Problem With Homeopathy

Is that no one is qualified to give an opinion on it, including me. I am neither a medical expert nor am I a medical quack; just an engineer stuck in the wrong profession.

Worse, even a medical expert isn’t allowed to comment on it, because it is not in his field of expertise. Homeopathy is in a league of its own, just like Ayurveda and only the experts in that field i.e. only homeopaths, can have a say in it, which when you think about it, is rather convenient.

Success Stories of Homeopathy

Most of it boils down to:

It worked for me, my Mom, Dad, siblings, Step-Dad, grandparents, neighbors and Lady Gaga.

I heard that it cured my friend’s Mom’s Dad’s sibling’s Step-Dad’s Grandparent’s neighbor who happens to be Lady Gaga’s biggest fan.

Anecdotal evidences are provided as evidence, but very few actually understand why anecdotal evidence is not taken as actual “evidence”.

Anecdotes Are Unreliable Because

We human beings are flawed, both physically as well as psychologically. It’s the psychological aspects that plays a role in people’s conviction of irrational beliefs. It stems from our flawed perception of reality, thinking we can understand nature if we merely paid attention to it.

This kind of thinking assumes our ability to grasp is perfect, and that we can easily winnow away nonsense. The opposite is fairly evident, seeing how most of us subscribe to a belief or two, that hold no basis in reality.

Illusionists make use of these blindspots to perform their magnificent illusory stunts, and quacks make use of these very blindspots to perform their magnificent pocket draining stunts.

When we recite stories from memory, it is bound to contain many errors, because of the way we perceive, interpret and conclude it. Also, memory has a tendency to blend and fade away, leaving important details out of the image, which is why one should be wary when listening to stories “based on true stories”.

And that is why I find it difficult to trust homeopathy.

I’d like to end this little rant of mine by pissing off the homeopath supporters one last time.

Grab yours before they run out!
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