Disclaimer: You’ll be upset at me.
I’ve written a piece, shedding some light on the idea of marriage, and what it entails, using my 22 years of experience not being in one. I witnessed my own family split, and the troubles it brought me. I did what I could to make sense of it, by reading whatever I could get my hands on about it, allowing me to understand marriage for what it stood for.
So I’m clearly qualified for this.
We Marry Because
If you’ve read this article of mine, then you know that I believe marriage is not a lovey-dovey affair that ought to be carried out lightly, but one that should be carried out with the utmost of responsibility. The union is not as important as what will come out of that union.
We marry, because we want children.
We want children because we wish to experience the joys of parenthood and for them to carry our legacy forward.
But most importantly, we desire children, because we desire to cultivate something of meaning. Watching our children grow, as we devote ourselves to raising them, is what gives us a sense of fulfillment.
But that’s not how it works in the 21st century.
People marry their one true love and are shocked when they are bombarded with the responsibility of raising kids that siphon away their time, energy and money.
But one way or another, they make it work, either by addressing the issue and trying to solve it together, or by involving a third member, who sits on a raised desk, and hammers it from time to time. Some may confuse the man for a carpenter, but I assure you that he is not; for a carpenter fixes things.
Gay Marriage Confuse Me
Not because I’m homophobic, because I’m pretty gay myself, especially when I’m at a festival with other gay men. We’d prance about together and spread our gay and cheerful joy with everyone, to liven up the atmosphere. Happiness is contagious you know, just like AIDS.
And I am not against it, but just that it doesn’t make any sense considering what “legalizing same-sex marriage” actually means for the rest of us.
Marriages are institutionalized by the government, and I’m sure you’ve noticed how bloody the divorce battles can get, with both sides spending large chunks of their life and savings battling it out, while Daddy government is busy taxing us out of existence and laughing at our inability to see the big picture.
Governments implement their policies with a gun over our heads. Do this or else, follow the rules laid down before you or else you’ll end up in prison.
Some just won’t accept you, no matter how hard you try to shove it down their throats, because you’re shoving it down their throats, using the government’s rod of justice.
Why do you want the state to recognize your union? Would your union materialize into something more meaningful if you get the government’s approval? You think by having the government force people into accepting your union, it will somehow elevate you and your community? If gays want to live with each other, they have that freedom to do so in all western democracies. Why do you want the government to get involved?
In case you have a fall out, you won’t have to go through the strenuous task of filing a divorce, and paying exorbitant amounts of cash to a lawyer to get things done. You are free from that hassle and can amicably go your separate ways.
But NO, you’d rather have your partner and the government screw your ass just to fit in.
Raising Healthy Children
Surveys tell us that lesbian couples tend to adopt more than gay couples, and even if all gay or lesbian couple decides to adopt a kid or two, there is another issue that has to be addressed.
Marriage the bedrock that supports offsprings. All offsprings crave for both the feminine and the masculine to grow and mature into fully developed individuals. That is not to say that same-sex can’t raise children, but that no matter how hard they try, they will never raise the kid as well as a normal couple can.
Its hard to describe the terms “masculine” and “feminine” without diving into pseudoscientific drivel. A gay man will adopt feminine features, and a lesbian, masculine features, and this confuses the child as he tries to make sense of the world around him. He sees how men and women behave outside, and compares it to what he gets to experience inside his home. Its this disconnect that frustrates him.
Of course, in every relationship there will always be the one that’s dominant and the other that’s submissive, but when dealing with same sex marriages, both occupy the same side of the spectrum, but vary in degree.
In gay couples, both men will be feminine, but one will be more feminine than the other, making him the submissive one. In lesbian couples, one will be more masculine than the other, making her the dominant one.
What does this have to do with raising children? Its quite simple.
Children crave for a mother’s emotional security, and for a father’s tough love.
Men and women are naturally driven to behave in certain ways, and its governed by our biology. We don’t influence our behaviors, our behaviors are influenced by our biological makeup.
Overdosing on emotional security to fill the gap meant for a man’s tough love won’t cut it. That portion of his being was meant to receive something entirely different, and denying him that will stunt his spiritual and psychological development.
Coddle the child too much, and it will spoil him.
Punish the child too much, and it will damage his self-esteem.
A balance has to be maintained between the two, only then will you raise a healthy kid.
If both parents occupy one side of the spectrum, they cannot provide the child with what he needs most, a balance between energies. Their behavior and personalities will exude those qualities, and the child will become too feminine or too masculine which will damage his perception of himself and of the world, forcing him into a dissonance that separates him from the rest.
Writing that made me cringe.
Maybe I should join Deepak Chopra and start selling Quantum Healing.
Same sex couples have a different set of priorities than those of heterosexual couples. They don’t look at whether their spouse has the qualities necessary to raise kids, instead they look at what the person brings into their life.
Its more about them, than it is about whether or not they can raise children.
They put themselves first in a marriage, and view adoption as an option they could take, instead of a necessary step to progress towards.
That’s not what marriage was intended and maintained for centuries.
And Now That Has to Change
And who benefits from it? A tradition that was built for the sole purpose of having and raising healthy children should be completely shifted to satisfy the individual’s desires?
Isn’t that a little selfish?
Your union is meaningful by itself. It doesn’t require the government’s or priest’s approval. If you want to raise children, you can do so. The way I see it, its better for the child to be with someone, than to waste away in an orphanage.
But don’t fool yourself into thinking it will transform into an actual marriage, because as harsh it may sound, the children you raise will have problems with their sexuality, and it will stem from your affliction.
Affliction?! How Rude!
Look at it from a biological perspective, what purpose do our reproductive organs serve?
Nature made sex pleasurable so that we engage in it and procreate. Whether we’d like to admit it or not, we are all baby-making machines, and our drive to achieve stems from this massive reservoir. Men achieve great things to attract women, while women snag a good man to fulfill her desire for raising kids.
Why do women put on so much makeup? For the exact same reason men accumulate resources. Progressive individuals like to believe they are better than nature, but anyone with a modicum of common sense and is honest with themselves can see this is true.
Sex is For Procreation.
At the risk of sounding like a priest taking Sunday class, I want to make one thing clear, I am describing what sex is meant for from a purely biological perspective.
But we are smart, so we developed ways to short-circuit it and get what we want using birth controls, but at the end of the day, we all desire to have a family.
So when sex is done only for pleasure, it goes against what nature intended. Sure, Nature didn’t intend for air-conditioners to exist, but when it comes to relationships, nature still reigns supreme. That air-conditioner won’t work without an external supply, and your marriage won’t work without studying what sustains it.
Same-sex marriages have serious flaws that have to be addressed, for them to gain traction and live without blinders.
- Put yourselves first, and you risk tarnishing your relationship with the kids you adopt.
- Your union is as meaningful as you make it, but once you decide to raise kids, make sure to put them first.
- Push for the government to intervene, and you risk antagonizing the people around you. No one likes the government, and when you take their side, the hatred will burn brighter.
- Some are homophobic and you can’t change them.
- It is a mental affliction, just like how depression is. Don’t fool yourselves with euphemisms like sexual orientation, because no one chooses to be gay.
It is not my desire to make you feel bad, but I believe you have the strength in you to live with your flaws, instead of covering them up with soft language.