Humor Me Wisdom

Musings on The Iron Paradise

I love working out.

I love how it makes me feel. And I know you will love it as well.

Don’t worry though, I never liked forcing my ideas down people’s throat (Its not my fetish, and my ideas can be pretty hard to handle) so I refrain from discussing anything gym related unless the guys or group I’m talking to are meatheads themselves. But there is this part of me that’s hell bent on bringing people into the club with as much tenacity as Jesus’s apostle were in spreading the word of God.

Their’s was a genuine cause; mine was one of insanity.

The Day I Met the Prophet

I remember when I was first infected with the desire to workout. It started with a friend of mine in 7th grade. He was skinnier than I was at the time and he’d lose every fight we’d get into. The fights we had weren’t actual brawls, but games such as arm wrestling, freeing from a headlock, punching the board to see who could make a bigger dent, etc; the kinds that tested how much pain you could handle.

Yes, we were masochists and I reigned supreme.

But my reign had come to an end after the summer vacations got over. He looked different. He also had a funny way of walking, like he’d forgotten how to walk and was trying to learn it all over again by waddling about like a duck. As our classes started, so did our games. We decided on arm wrestling and got into position. By that I meant positioning our hands in such a way that the teacher wouldn’t know what we were up to.

Once the teacher turned away towards the blackboard, I leaned forward and put everything I had into pulverizing my opponent. That’s how I always won, but this time, my fist didn’t reach the table. In fact, my hand remained there and as I looked up, he was grinning at me. That really pissed me off, and I stood up and tried it again, this time using my entire body weight. I know its cheating, but desperate situations call for desperate measures and its his fault for pissing me off.

But it didn’t move, and then it dawned on me.

I knew why I couldn’t beat him.

It was so obvious, that I missed it.

He was Cheating!

I’ve always had the upper hand! How could he develop that kind of strength in just a matter of two months? He must have something up his sleeve.

And before I could conduct my search, the teacher sent me out of the class. He said the classroom wasn’t a place for fun and games, and neither was it a place where I could jump about and shriek like a little girl, which of course I didn’t.

I didn’t shriek like a little girl, Its what we men call a battle cry. Some also call it crying, but I know I wouldn’t.


After class got over it was recess and I walked back into the class. I saw him sitting there and as soon as our eyes locked, he started grinning, and the size of that grin was so wide, I could fit my school bag into it, and that’s what I did. Or tried. He shoved it back, throwing me off balance.

Before I could make my move, I noticed something odd. On closer examination, he did have something up his sleeves, literally. They’re called ‘muscles’ and they were huge.

He wore loose fitting clothes, which is why I didn’t notice them. Curious as I was, I asked him how he got so big. He told me that he started working out with his Dad at a gym nearby and that’s what got him his strength and size.

He also said girls started noticing him, and that observation of his made sense because back then he was so skinny that all you could see were a pair of clothes that looked like they’d been hung out to dry. I wasn’t far behind, though.

Yeah, we’re just hanging out.

And that transformation of his marked the end of our games as I decided it was time to put those silly games to rest, and pursue goals that would enrich my quality of living. Its not because I couldn’t beat him or anything Okaaay. We’d spend each day discussing various different exercise regimens and cleared up any misconceptions I had about them. I used to think that working out involved only a handful of exercises that worked the entire body. I didn’t know there were exercises that could be performed on muscle groups such as the biceps and triceps by isolating them. This was why bodybuilders adopted all those weird poses in the gym, it was to isolate those muscle groups.

And here I thought they were trying to seduce me with their awkward mating call poses. My bad.

The more I learnt, the more I grew. Or at least my biceps did. People started noticing the difference and started asking me how I did it. Some even warned and advised me to give it a break, thinking I was watching too much porn. Those fools, they’d never understand.

How could I ever give up watching porn?

Apostle of Grind

What started off as mere interest, transitioned into a daily practice. Exercising felt good, especially the afterglow that followed every pumping session. Its hard to get into the practice of working out consistently because of how painful it is in the beginning. Once you push past those initial stages, and watch as you progressively lift heavier weights, it lights up something inside of you.

It turns you into a different person. It makes you feel good, and also makes you look good*wink wink*.People start looking up to you and ask you for advice. Life becomes fresh and full of opportunities you didn’t notice earlier because of how foggy your mind had become from just trying to make ends meet and getting along with everyone. You forgot to take care of yourself.

It teaches you a valuable lesson. You get what you put in, and you pay your dues first. Its only by working at it each day that you reach your destination. That destination could be financial freedom or a superior physique. You only get the fire once you put in the firewood.

And watching my progress, fuelled my desire to keep at it.

I’m not there yet, but I will be one day.

I could go on, but what I’ve realized is no matter how beautifully I try to explain my experience, it won’t have any effect on you unless you experience them yourself. Experience is a better teacher and you will be more receptive to what happens to you, that what people say will happen.

Try it.

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